An Assortment of (mainly) BDSM and Kink Questions: submissive Edward Cantor

By 2019-02-05Uncategorized
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Each week (hopefully), Collared Girls will be highlighting a person or persons within the BDSM/kink community. Each have been kind enough to answer a series of questions describing their lifestyle, offering advice to others, and just having some fun (FYI: The answer to #8 should ALWAYS be “crunchy”).

We know each of us have a different vantage point and view of our Dominance and submissiveness. We want to know more. By knowing more, we learn more. And isn’t our lifestyle, in all its variations, about learning and guiding and growing in order to be better people, more open and honest and happier? We are all slightly different in our practices and seeing and reading and hearing what others in our community do often helps inform our own practices.

This week, we are happy to post the answers to our questions from… Edward Cantor.

Ten or So Questions for submissives:

  1. What type of submissive do you describe yourself as (slave, service, etc.)?

I suppose I am best described as a service submissive. I’m working on developing myself most as a submissive whose pleasure is derived by being of use and service to another, though I’ll never separate from the subbie who just loves his specific subby/bottomy kinks.

 

  1. How would you describe being a submissive to the layperson?

It means that you work to focus on the service and pleasure of another. That you are able to derive real pleasure from that service and submission to them.

 

  1. How’d you get started?  Tell us about how you discovered your submissive persona?

From an early age, I had an interest in images and themes of restraint. I don’t know if this was inspired or just fed by late night blue movies or other media like that, but once the internet and the world wide web arrived, I was able to more fully and discretely develop those interests. That led me to thinking more actively about bondage, and I had some experimentation with topping and tying some partners. I came to learn that I preferred to be the one receiving the bondage.  

I found IRC, I found online chatting, and I was able to make friends there as well as develop my interests and imagination through online scenes. Through those contacts, I met and served a woman who would turn out to be my first Domme. From her I learned to expand my interests, and develop a greater expression of submission, and learn to gain pleasure from being used to make her pleasures real.

 

  1. What is your favorite toy? Do you have a set of beloved go-to toys that you enjoy most of all? Would you share with us what they might be?

I think my favourite toy, if there is to be just one, would have to be a butt plug. In a way, it comes back to that Domme, as it was something she introduced me to, an her pleasure at seeing me and having me plugged was expressed unreservedly. It was one of the first times that I was made to feel that way, that something that hadn’t been on my list of interests made someone so happy. An then that in turn made me happy. As a result, being plugged fills me (pun intended) with a sense of subspace almost instantly.

 

  1. What is the one thing that’s most misunderstood about our lifestyle?

I don’t know how to pick. That Domme’s hate men. That it is just about spanking or whipping a man. That submissives are weak and pathetic.

 

  1. Describe your relationship status (single, poly, married and poly, D/s only with no outside involvement, etc.):

I am married to a woman who is not kinky. My expression of my kinks and my submissive self is done in secret.

 

  1. Totally random: If you could be any other creature (besides human), what would it be and why?

I’d have to go with cat, as I would like a relatively comfortable lifestyle if I am going to be limited in language and the absence of opposable thumbs.

 

  1. Another totally random question: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter, and why?

I’ve never been a fan of peanut butter, but I guess smooth seems less gross.

 

  1. What’s been you BEST/most rewarding experience in the lifestyle?

I had a scene with a professional Dominant in which I was made to feel teased, tormented, pleasing, sexy, slutty, cared for, and well used, all in the scope of two hours. It was intense and wonderful, with a good teasing build-up beforehand and good aftercare post-scene.

 

  1. Conversely, what’s been your worst experience?

Those times when I hate myself for my kinks and the complications they’ve brought to my life. Those times when I throw away all my toys and I try to quit.

 

  1. What are your favorite sites? They don’t even need to be BDSM/kink related.

I loved BedroomBondage.com for its atmosphere and what it taught me about rigging. Back in the day I loved the photography being done by Shortfuse and bondagecafe.com and bondagebyrequest.com. Devonshire was one of the best predicament bondage sites around, and I loved the devious creativity of houseofgord.com. I guess I’d have to say Twitter, since it is where I most active. I also love mcstories.com and did some of my first ever erotic writing there.  

 

  1. What advice do you have for newbies to the lifestyle? What do you recommend as the first step into BDSM people take? Why?

I guess I’d say to be careful, and to be yourself as fully as you can as early as you can. If fetish is a part of you, you won’t be able to give it up, so try to make it as open and honest a part of your life as you can.

Be careful. Take your time. Do your research. Don’t make big decisions when you are horny, as you’ll just end up hurting yourself and others.

If you’re submissive, don’t promise more than you can deliver. An honest “no” is way better than not being able to deliver later.

As a first step into investigating all this, I’d say two things — One would be to do some careful research, including looking at references, and go see a professional Dominant. A good Domme knows what they are doing, they are experienced with newcomers, and the scope of the relationship is limited, so you don’t have to worry about exposing your whole life or making other relationship commitments.  Two would be to go to a munch or a local kinky social event. See people who have interests like yours in a normal context. Learn to see them as real and whole and complex individuals, just like you are.

 

Check out the other posts you may have missed:

If you’re interested in participating in this series, or just writing some short content for us, please slide into my Twitter DMs (@IAmMissRuby) or email me at [email protected]

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

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