An Assortment of (mainly) #BDSM and Kink Questions: Dominant Therion Major

By 2019-06-27Uncategorized

As often as possible, Collared Girls highlights a person or persons within the BDSM/kink community. Each have been kind enough to answer a series of questions describing their lifestyle, offering advice to others, and just having some fun (FYI: The answer to #8 should ALWAYS be “crunchy”). We know each of us have a different vantage point and view of our Dominance and submissiveness. We want to know more. By knowing more, we learn more. And isn’t our lifestyle, in all its variations, about learning and guiding and growing in order to be better people, more open and honest and happier? We are all slightly different in our practices and seeing and reading and hearing what others in our community do often helps inform our own practices. This week, we are happy to post the answers to our questions from Therion Major. Ten or So Questions for Dominants:

  • What type of Dominant do you describe yourself as (Daddy/Mommy, Lifestyle, Financial, etc.)?

I strongly prefer the term D-type, both for it’s distinct and vaguely futuristic sound (it sounds like the trim level on a sports car), and to distance myself from the stereotypes and misconceptions associated with the word “dominant.” I definitely fall within the realm of “recreational d-type,” as I don’t make money off of this. But given the chance, I’d like to. It is something I have discovered within myself, and after my experience with it, I can’t let it go.  

  • How would you describe being a Dominant to the layperson?

One who takes a leading role in the actions and relationship between two or more people within clear guidelines, in the context of either BDSM or the D/s lifestyle. It’s important to note that this does not mean assuming a dominant role in every aspect of one’s everyday life. This is neither healthy nor possible. My misconception in this respect left me feeling very unworthy.  It is simply the desire to guide another person’s sensational experience within parameters that have been agreed upon, or to enjoy the image or representation thereof. One can be a dominant and not be in a relationship with a submissive.

  • How’d you get started? Tell us about how you discovered your dominant persona?

I had a lovely girlfriend years ago, we discovered the lifestyle through the internet, and experimented with it on our own. We both had volumes to learn, but we had fun, and I learned a great deal. …I learned I hated subbing most of all, but I did try it!  

  • What is your favorite toy? Do you have a set of beloved go-to toys that you enjoy most of all? Would you share with us what they might be? 

My absolute favorite toy is a 24” riding crop with a 1” paddle. Simple, good for sensation and impact play, leaves lovely marks. Aside from that, I have my “top three” that have served me well (as well as my former partner); these include a skinny leather paddle, a full set of leather cuffs, a cordless wand vibrator… I could go on and on.  

  • What is the one thing that’s most misunderstood about our lifestyle?

The most important lesson to me was the pure depth of this lifestyle. It is so much more than a “sexual practice,” it is powerful, the interaction between the D and s is nothing short of magickal. It doesn’t even *need* to be inherently sexual if you don’t want it to be, it can be sensational/ emotional. But what I need people to understand is when you get deep into the life, there is a universe’s worth of power between the D and the s, and that demands absolute respect, perhaps even reverence. Do NOT take this lightly.

  • Describe your relationship status (single, poly, married and poly, D/s only with no outside involvement, etc.)

I am currently single, as of two months ago. After being with her for two years, I am healing and learning, and still participating in the discussion, even though some elements of it have been hard to look at, due to the remembrance of what was lost between us. I am making many friends, however. That I hope to continue. I’m getting better. I regret nothing, but I do miss her.  

  • Totally random: If you could be any other creature (besides human), what would it be and why?

Godzilla. Because nothing could *possibly* be more dominant. 

  • Another totally random question: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter, and why?

Crunchy. Love the texture. Brings something unique to PB&J.

  • What’s been you BEST/most rewarding experience in the lifestyle?

…That moment when my sub knelt in front of me, her head in my lap, kissing my hand, as I played with her hair, loving her fully, being loved fully, as she began to suck on my fingers ever more intensly. I could see tears forming in her eyes, her emotions were enveloping her fully, my mind as well, was full captured in this moment. I pulled her to me and kissed her. Walked her to the bed and undressed her, held her down, and pleased her, with all the passion in me.  …that moment when we went for a long walk, she puts her arm around my waist, I put a strong hand on the back of her neck, walking as if showing her off to the whole world, keeping her close, always. She told me it made her feel owned, protected, needed and loved.  I miss that. I miss it a lot.

  • Conversely, what’s been your worst experience?

I hate that I have to say this, but I did two major things wrong, based solely on my inexperience and ignorance, both of her and myself. I did not check in enough (during scenes or in our everyday life), and I did not aftercare properly for her needs. It took a disastrous near-loss of the relationship for me to wake up and have the important conversations, to learn what her needs were, and to ask her with a sober and humbled mind to accept me as her dominant again. She did. But that fallout stuck with me. This lifestyle is not a game, nor is it for the immature or emotionally inept.  Now that I’ve lost her fully, due to issues unrelated to our D/s relationship (divergent life goals, in short), the worst experience is losing her. That’s it. I’m not certain I’m emotionally strong enough to try again. I’ve not pursued any form of relationship, not even a casual one, ever since.  

  • What are your favorite sites? They don’t even need to be BDSM/kink related.

Definitely twitter. I have a multitude of responsive friends to discuss these issues with. And as far as equipment, Amazon does just fine.   

  • What advice do you have for newbies to the lifestyle? What do you recommend as the first step into BDSM people take? Why?

Take it very slow, educate yourself, discuss it with trusted people who are far more experienced, and read all the resources you can. After that, go ahead and try what you can. Even if you are solitary, you can still research the emotional or technical side of things. Get out there and see what you can find. Be (reasonably) safe, and have fun.      Check out the other posts you may have missed:

  If you’re interested in participating in this series, or just writing some short content for us, please slide into my Twitter DMs (@IAmMissRuby) or email me at [email protected]    

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

%d bloggers like this: