An Assortment of (mainly) BDSM and Kink Questions: Dominant PandaDaddyDom

By 2019-02-27Uncategorized

Each week (hopefully), Collared Girls will be highlighting a person or persons within the BDSM/kink community. Each have been kind enough to answer a series of questions describing their lifestyle, offering advice to others, and just having some fun (FYI: The answer to #8 should ALWAYS be “crunchy”). We know each of us have a different vantage point and view of our Dominance and submissiveness. We want to know more. By knowing more, we learn more. And isn’t our lifestyle, in all its variations, about learning and guiding and growing in order to be better people, more open and honest and happier? We are all slightly different in our practices and seeing and reading and hearing what others in our community do often helps inform our own practices.

This week, we are happy to post the answers to our questions from… @pandadaddydom:

PandaDaddyDom is the Daddy of lilpandakitten for the past two years. They found each other at a work convention, became fast friends, kinky partners, lovers, and then Daddy and Kitten. They spend their time working on various projects together and engaging in a bunch of kinky fuckery.

  1. What type of Dominant do you describe yourself as (Daddy/Mommy, Lifestyle,Financial, etc.)?

Without a doubt I am a Daddy. I did not know that at first. When I first got into kink I thought I was just a play Dom, and a pretty standard, stern, “call me Sir” kind of Dom. But as lilpandakitten and I grew, we began to explore DDlg, and after the first time she called me Daddy in a scene, I knew for sure that was what I was.

  • How would you describe being a Dominant to the layperson?

Being dominant means that I am the leader. In bed, it means that I decide what we will do, how we do it, and how long its going to last. Will there be bondage tonight? A spanking? Forced orgasms or orgasm denial? Those are all my choices. I am also a top, so not only do I make the decisions but I am primarily the one that is doing something to lilpandakitten, be it bondage, flogging, face fucking, etc.

That does not mean that lilpandakitten or any other partners that join us don’t have a voice in what is going to happen. All of our boundaries are negotiated before we play, and I am making my decisions inside that consensual, negotiated, space. But the moment that play starts, I am in control of how we move through that space.

Outside of the bedroom, my job as a Dominant and as a Daddy is to support and nurture my submissive, to help her become the woman she wants to be. Sometimes that is doing emotional labor for her when she is anxious or scared. Sometimes that is creating rules to help her curb her bad habits, such as setting curfews for how long she can be out. Other times, it is to show her that I care for her, such as when I pick her clothes each day or her meals when she eats out.

Also, when we have a disagreement or when protocol has been broken, by either of us, it is my job to lead that discussion to get us to a resolution. We do that work together, but I have accepted responsibility to lead us in those efforts.

  •  How’d you get started? Tell us about how you discovered your dominant persona?

I have been a dominant personality my whole life. In kindergarten the teacher had me be the director of the class play because I as adept at telling people what to do. As I grew up, I was the leader of my social circle, always the Dungeon Master when we played D&D,eventually becoming the leads on projects in my career, and finally moving into a management position.

Sexually, I only realized I was dominant a few years ago, after reading Kinky as You Want To Be by Shanna Germain. As soon as I read the definition of dominant, I knew that was exactly who I was. My first in depth exploration of being dominant was with lilpandakitten, online and then in person.

Now I feel complete. I understand my dominant energy and how it exists at work and in my relationship.

  • What is your favorite toy? Do you have a set of beloved go-to toys that you enjoy most of all? Would you share with us what they might be?

My favorite toy is the flogger. I am a sadist as well as dominant. I love swinging a flogger. I love the sound of it and its versatility. I can swing it lightly or hard, I can strike all different places on my submissive’s bodies. I also love the sound of it when it lands,the feel of the tails in my fingers as I set up for a strike.

My short list of go-to toys are:

  • ankle cuffs.
  • Nipple Clamps
  • Thunderstick wand vibrator

With those four, I can run all sorts of scenes.

  • What is the one thing that’s most misunderstood about our lifestyle?

The thing that drives me crazy and often perpetuated in the media is that people who are kinky are only kinky because they suffered some kind of life trauma.

There are plenty of kink practitioners who have not suffered trauma or were kinky before they did, who live “normal” lives (take normal with a grain of salt).

I would love some movie where the kinky couple are perfectly normal, going to work,making cupcakes for the PTA meeting, and then coming home putting in the ball gag and getting flogged until they are shaking.

I am in 24/7, Daddy/Kitten, D/s relationship with lilpandakitten.

We are exploring our interest in Stag & Vixen kink,so we do play with other partners.

  • Totally random: If you could be any other creature (besides human), what would it be and why?

A vampire. I love the implicit mix of sex and pain, and the predator and prey dynamics. Though, I could do without the rape-y nature, so a vampire with a collection of consensual blood dolls.

  • Another totally random question: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter, and why?

Smooth. As a kid, I had a lot of food issues with regards to texture. So keep that smooth for me.

  • What’s been you BEST/most rewarding experience in the lifestyle?

The most rewarding experience in the lifestyle has been my relationship with lilpandakitten. I have never had a relationship that has been so honest and so able to deal with anything that life has thrown at us. Our kink helped us to create excellent communication,trust, and to deal with problems as equals (we always negotiate as equals), and none of the power struggles that I have had in vanilla relationships. Also, the extreme intimacy I have experienced with her as we have explored our kinks together.

 Some people think that kinky sex can’t be loving or intimate, but they could not be more wrong. I have never been more connected to a partner than lilpandakitten when we are in the middle of a scene.

  1. Conversely, what’s been your worst experience?

Coming out to my now ex-partner. She was shocked when I came out and said some terrible things about me, and we fought for three days straight. Eventually I left that relationship so that I could be kinky.

  1.   What are your favorite sites? They don’t even need to be BDSM/kink related.

I am a huge fan of Loving BDSM and all of Kayla Lords’ work. Kayla and John were role models for LittlePandaKitten and I exploring DDlg and 24/7.

Kate Sloan’s Girly Juice blog. I love her writing.

I love kinky Twitter. I spend the most time there.

I am also a fan of Extreme Restraints University, which is a great site for both learning about different aspects of kink and fetish play, as well as a place to go shopping for them.

  1. What advice do you have for newbies to the lifestyle? What do you recommend as the first step into BDSM people take? Why?

First thing you need to learn is consent. Forget rope tying, flogging, or anything else. Everything you do in kink is about consent. Become a master at consent first.

It’s way more than just asking permission. It is about informed consent, enthusiastic consent, check-ins, safewords, and revoking consent. Understand when someone is compromised and can’t give proper consent (like a submissive in the middle of scene) or when society or power structures are pressuring someone to give consent (which is not really consent) because they are afraid or think they have to say yes.

After that, learn aftercare. Learn how someone comes out subspace, learn how to come down from your Dom space.What physical and emotional care you and others need. How to unpack what just happened in play, what went well, what could have been better.

If you can master those two things,you will enter this lifestyle in a way that will minimize the risk of you or any of your partners getting hurt. Because that is the most important thing.

After you have consent and aftercare down, then learn the technical parts of your kinks.

 

Check out the other posts you may have missed:

 

If you’re interested in participating in this series, or just writing some short content for us, please slide into my Twitter DMs (@IAmMissRuby) or email me at [email protected]

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

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