An Assortment of (mainly) BDSM and Kink Questions: Domme Mistress Hyde

By 2019-03-19Uncategorized

Each week (hopefully), Collared Girls will be highlighting a person or persons within the BDSM/kink community. Each have been kind enough to answer a series of questions describing their lifestyle, offering advice to others, and just having some fun (FYI: The answer to #8 should ALWAYS be “crunchy”). We know each of us have a different vantage point and view of our Dominance and submissiveness. We want to know more. By knowing more, we learn more. And isn’t our lifestyle, in all its variations, about learning and guiding and growing in order to be better people, more open and honest and happier? We are all slightly different in our practices and seeing and reading and hearing what others in our community do often helps inform our own practices. This week, we are happy to post the answers to our questions from… Ms. Hyde:

Aside from her Twitter feed, I recommend you check out her Patreon, IWantClips and her LIVE Twitter. (She’s a busy lady!)

  • What type of Dominant do you describe yourself as (Daddy/Mommy, Lifestyle, Financial, etc.)?

I am a Lifestyle/ProDomme. I also practice Financial Domination and have that element in each of my lifestyle submissive relationships.  

  • How would you describe being a Dominant to the layperson?

I tend to describe it as sort of a life coach who uses kink as their tool. I explain how I help my subs/slaves to become more disciplined, successful, healthy, emotionally stable, etc. I use kink as a motivator for many reasons. It’s FUN, first and foremost. It’s sexy, it’s enjoyable, it gives a release beyond what you can find in the bedroom. Secondly, it is HIGHLY effective as a motivator. When your rewards for doing well are sexy things that your basic human instincts crave…it’s a lot easier to stay motivated…especially when you are being denied release until you achieve your goal. Chastity works VERY well to motivate a submissive.  

  • How’d you get started? Tell us about how you discovered your dominant persona?

I started exploring my sexuality beyond your basic Vanilla relationship after 8 years of marriage. My husband and I decided to start swinging. Over the course of several years, my exploration led me to looking into sexwork in one form or another. The more I researched, the more I realized that I didn’t want to cam, to escort…any of that. What appealed to me was BDSM. I was already kinky. I was already a Top, often. I decided to research.   I spent about a year researching and reaching out to friends I knew who were sexworkers in one form or another, especially one particular friend who was a real-time Domme. I was in the process of determining how I was going to break myself into the industry when my girlfriend at the time (still married) came to me with Twitter and findom. I was immediately excited and knew this was the thing for which I’d been looking.   I had already done the research. I knew who I was, in the sense that I was comfortable with the Dominant inside of me and I knew I had the skills and life experience to Dominate effectively and could learn the kinky skills that I didn’t have yet along the way. Those things are learnable. It’s the Domination that must be innate, and I knew I was a Dominant. So…I dove in. I learned on the go. That’s how I am. I immersed myself entirely. I grew up as a Domme, in many ways, on twitter, before the communities’ eyes. I settled into my Dominance, truly, while on Twitter. I found my truest Dominant voice while on Twitter. I still have so much to learn (don’t we all?) and I can’t wait to learn it. Being a Domme has been one of my life’s greatest joys. I knew I was Ms. Hyde, I simply needed a place to bring her to life. Twitter changed the course of my life forever and I will be forever grateful.  

  • What is your favorite toy? Do you have a set of beloved go-to toys that you enjoy most of all? Would you share with us what they might be? What is the one thing that’s most misunderstood about our lifestyle?

My very favorite toy is my chainmail flogger. I don’t get to use it very often because it is VERY intense. I also have this amazing silicone dragon tail paddle that welts SO quickly and draws blood really well. It’s so fun. I’m a lover of blood. I haven’t had a chance yet to use my new vampire gloves but I have a feeling they will quickly become a favorite.   I think the thing that is MOST misunderstood about our lifestyle is the level of communication and trust required to live this life. Consent is SO important. I won’t lie, there are people who take advantage of the lifestyle. So many of the activities in which we engage are very intense and on the “darker” side of life. Without consent, it is abuse. Period.   But…   WITH consent, BDSM scenes and the BDSM lifestyle becomes an incredible release for both Dominant and submissive for the things inside of them that need a safe place to come out. We create a healthy space to express ourselves, knowing that holding these parts of us in is incredibly unhealthy and will lead to an unbalanced life and difficult relationships.   My sadism needs an outlet. So many people need an outlet for their masochism that is HEALTHY. It goes so far beyond that but that is simply one example. I don’t want my sadism to be in ANY of my relationships where it might cause genuine damage. With a submissive…they have the same need I have, but the yang to my yin. It is a symbiotic relationship that gives both Dominant and submissive a place to exercise these things without affecting those in their lives who have not consented and/or have no interest.  

  • Describe your relationship status (single, poly, married and poly, D/s only with no outside involvement, etc.):

I’m married and I’m a Lifestyle Domme. I have a collared slave and several owned subs, one of whom is working toward a shackle. So I currently have two lifetime commitment relationships with the possibility of a third in the not so distant future.  

  • Totally random: If you could be any other creature (besides human), what would it be and why?

I would be a phoenix. I shall ALWAYS rise from the ashes. Nothing can break me.  

  • Another totally random question: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter, and why?

Smooth. Always smooth. It’s a texture thing…likely nostalgic. I’m a creature of habit and I was introduced to peanut butter and jelly with smooth peanut butter.  

  • What’s been you BEST/most rewarding experience in the lifestyle?

The day I collared #Seattle. We worked SO hard to become what we are and it was an incredibly beautiful day.  

  • Conversely, what’s been your worst experience?

I had a submissive make some choices after leaving my service that were intended to do very real damage to my life and career. They managed it. I’m still recovering. It hurt. A lot. Such is life. Not everyone is who they appear to be.  

  • What are your favorite sites? They don’t even need to be BDSM/kink related.

I don’t really browse the internet for the sake of browsing the internet. I’m very intentional with my research. I spent a LOT of time on the local county court websites in past years filing papers and researching local rules of law. Does that count? Bahahahahahahahahahaha!! I’m not the person to ask. All of my browser windows are open to work related things. I’ve got clip stores, Twitter, email, cloud servers, bank accounts, and research for my writing open right now. That tends to be the standard. I work too much to browse.  

  • What advice do you have for newbies to the lifestyle? What do you recommend as the first step into BDSM people take? Why?

RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH!!! Find someone who can teach you the kinky stuff…but make sure you understand who you are. Make sure you understand where you think you fall on the BDSM spectrum (Dominant, Switch, sub, fetishist, etc.). Learn terminology. Find safe places to exercise your Dominance and/or submission. Be willing to bottom if you’re a Top so you can understand what it’s like to be on the other side of the coin. This is about the mind. The body is secondary. If you are not in control of yourself, you will never be able to effectively control another. Make sure you are truly prepared. The responsibilities of this lifestyle are not to be taken lightly.          

 

Check out the other posts you may have missed:

 

If you’re interested in participating in this series, or just writing some short content for us, please slide into my Twitter DMs (@IAmMissRuby) or email me at [email protected]  

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

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