An Assortment of (mainly) BDSM and Kink Questions: Gender Non-Conforming Domme/switch Mx. Ruby

By 2019-01-30Uncategorized

Each week (hopefully), CollaredGirls.com will be highlighting a person or persons within the BDSM/kink community. Each have been kind enough to answer a series of questions describing their lifestyle, offering advice to others, and just having some fun (FYI: The answer to #8 should ALWAYS be “crunchy”).

We know each of us have a different vantage point and view of our Dominance and submissiveness. We want to know more. By knowing more, we learn more. And isn’t our lifestyle, in all its variations, about learning and guiding and growing in order to be better people, more open and honest and happier? We are all slightly different in our practices and seeing and reading and hearing what others in our community do often helps inform our own practices.

This week, we are happy to post the answers to our questions from… ME!

Ten or So Questions for Dominants

  • What type of Dominant do you describe yourself as (Daddy/Mommy, Lifestyle, Financial, etc.)?

While my philosophy has altered significantly in the last few weeks, let’s say “Lifestyle”. For now, anyway.

 

  • How would you describe being a Dominant to the layperson?

A Dom(me) is a teacher, a trainer, a therapist, a coach.

 

  • How’d you get started? Tell us about how you discovered your dominant persona?

Actually, a former submissive did. We were friends first and got to chatting and goofing about BDSM stuff. We realized we fit the roles perfectly, though I am  switch/vers. So we entered a dynamic to test it out.

 

  • What is your favorite toy? Do you have a set of beloved go-to toys that you enjoy most of all? Would you share with us what they might be?

Oh heavens. Um. I didn’t think this would be such a hard question to answer when I wrote it. My favorite toys are my paddles, though I do have a set of custom-made floggers that I haven’t had the opportunity to try. But paddles, for sure. Crops and canes too. If we’re talking a bit more serious stuff, then it will be forceps (the locking kind) and everything to create sensory deprivation. I also LOVE metal–chains, shackles, etc.

 

  • What is the one thing that’s most misunderstood about our lifestyle?

That it’s all about sex, freaky, kinky, violent, rape-y sex. I think 95% of the lifestyle isn’t sex or even sexual at all. Sensual is more like it. Just because you bind up a person naked doesn’t mean it’s sex. Exposing a person, laying them bare, isn’t sex. It’s a form of openness, honesty, a life that is not hidden. The lifestyle, for me, is mainly about exposing our deepest issues so we can better ourselves. And some times that means stripping naked and taking or giving a paddling, get spanked, flogged, tied up, etc.

 

  • Describe your relationship status (single, poly, married and poly, D/s only with no outside involvement, etc.):

It’s VERY complicated. I’m poly though. And when I find a new partner, it’ll be limited: I’d allow one girlfriend for my female partner. I’d be allowed one male. Any thing else would be shared. So lots of 3somes and up.

 

  • Totally random: If you could be any other creature (besides human), what would it be and why?

I didn’t specify real or fictional, so I’m going with dragon. They are beautiful, powerful, and of genius level intelligence. Plus I, like dragons, really like shiny things.

 

  • Another totally random question: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter, and why?

Crunchy. Cuz peanuts aren’t smooth!

 

  • What’s been you BEST/most rewarding experience in the lifestyle?

Breaking one of my submissives of a few VERY bad habits (nothing sexual), or minimizing it a great deal.

 

  • Conversely, what’s been your worst experience?

Feeling I had to UN-collar a sub so she could seek her “truth”, a truth with which I couldn’t help (at least at the time; now I can.). It was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever had to make. I don’t regret doing it. Suffice to say, the submissive needed a heavier hand than I could give her at that time, she needed to find truths about her submission and herself. The sorrow of letting her go was emotionally draining and crushing. It still is fairly crippling.

BUT it’s been a blessing to me too. I’ve discovered much more about my Dominant style. I enjoy it. I can do lifestyle, but it’s in the sessions and scenes I reside the most. I’m more than willing to enter a dynamic that’s stricter on the s-type too. I’ve finally embraced my inner sadist. I’ve learned a great deal about myself in a short period of time. I’m looking forward to learning even more.

In short, feeling the need to un-collar one of my subs to allow her seek her truths was both my GREATEST and WORST experience.

 

  • What are your favorite sites? They don’t even need to be BDSM/kink related.

Archive.org, Twitter and collaredgirls.com (shameless self-promotion).
 

  • What advice do you have for newbies to the lifestyle? What do you recommend as the first step into BDSM people take? Why?

Like Mike stated in his answers: TAKE IT SLOW! LEARN FIRST! This isn’t something you just jump into. Trust me. I know.

Check out the other posts you may have missed:

 

 

If you’re interested in participating in this series, or just writing some short content for us, please slide into my Twitter DMs (@IAmMissRuby) or email me at [email protected]

Mx. Ruby

Mx. Ruby

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