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An Assortment of (mainly) #BDSM and Kink Questions: Dominant Raven Lee

By 2019-05-14Uncategorized

As often as possible, Collared Girls highlights a person or persons within the BDSM/kink community. Each have been kind enough to answer a series of questions describing their lifestyle, offering advice to others, and just having some fun (FYI: The answer to #8 should ALWAYS be “crunchy”). We know each of us have a different vantage point and view of our Dominance and submissiveness. We want to know more. By knowing more, we learn more. And isn’t our lifestyle, in all its variations, about learning and guiding and growing in order to be better people, more open and honest and happier? We are all slightly different in our practices and seeing and reading and hearing what others in our community do often helps inform our own practices. This week, we are happy to post the answers to our questions from… Raven Lee. He and his submissive write a blog; check out D/scovering Kink, where they explore their lifestyle. Ten or So Questions for Dominants:

  • What type of Dominant do you describe yourself as (Daddy/Mommy, Lifestyle, Financial, etc.)?

Being new to the scene, finding and identifying with a particular label or type has been one of the more challenging things for us to do. As we have been moving through our discoveries and as we learn more and more each day about the different ways in which people practice BDSM, we have begun to fall more and more into particular types. I have always been very active in our household, I take responsibility for a lot of the cooking, cleaning and household chores. I take pride in being able to provide for my family and bring some semblance of order into our chaotic lives. I consider myself a leader not only in our own dynamic but within our family group as well as our extended family. For those reasons I have been identifying with the term “Domestic Dom” as a combination of the Dominant persona in my relationship with my wife and sub Annabel and the leadership, guidance and protective roles I play in our wider family life.  

  • How would you describe being a Dominant to the layperson?

The term “Dominant” to me is a misnomer, and it’s a shame that a word that can have such a negative connotation has become such a big part of our lifestyle. Being a Dominant is not about subjugation, but about guidance, confidence and control in all aspects of your life. Buried within and a part all of that is a current of consent and acceptance – like a vein of gold running through rock. It enhances and strengthens all at once.  

  • How’d you get started? Tell us about how you discovered your dominant persona?

The discovery came as a bit of a surprise really. It was driven by Annabel and began as a bit of a joke. Without even realising it, we have always taken a fairly Top/bottom style in the bedroom. It took us over 20 years of being together until a stray comment from Annabel (“You’d love to be my Dom wouldn’t you?”) made a lightbulb go off in my head and I knew the answer was “Actually, yes I would!” Since then it’s been one discovery after another.  

  • What is your favorite toy? Do you have a set of beloved go-to toys that you enjoy most of all? Would you share with us what they might be? What is the one thing that’s most misunderstood about our lifestyle?

That’s four questions in one!!

  1. Favourite Toy – At the moment my favourite toys are our floggers. I’m having great fun learning how to wield them in different ways and finding out the different feelings and marks that each, can elicit. Clamps come a close second.
  2. (and C)My go-to toys are the sensual ones. They are the ones that get the best moans and reactions from Annabel and I love making her moan. Cats claws, Wartenburg wheels, feathers and good old massage oil feature heavily in our play and they all put Annabel nice and deep into sub space.
  3. Probably the thing that’s most misunderstood is how important consent is in all things we do. Because of various (incorrect) depictions in media of the lifestyle, it’s hard for people to understand that the woman who is tied to a cross and getting her backside whipped is there because she has allowed it and, in many cases craves it. The man who is locked in chastity and worshipping the foot of his Domme is actually showing strength in his sense of self and has given the gift of control over his sexual pleasure to his partner. It’s hard to understand until it’s experienced, but it’s so central to the whole lifestyle.

 

  • Describe your relationship status (single, poly, married and poly, D/s only with no outside involvement, etc.):

Our relationship is a totally monogamous D/s marriage. We value our commitment to each other above everything else. We don’t have any outside involvement from others.  

  • Totally random: If you could be any other creature (besides human), what would it be and why?

That’s easy – The Raven is not only my favourite Poe poem, but I value them as an animal for their intelligence, resourcefulness and stately demeanour. With just a little cheekiness thrown in!  

  • Another totally random question: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter, and why?

Smooth peanut butter all the way. Crunchy tears up the bread.  

  • What’s been your BEST/most rewarding experience in the lifestyle?

Being able to explore and discover alongside a committed and loving partner. I can only imagine how hard it would be for people trying to find out who they are and what they enjoy on their own. Having a partner alongside has made the whole journey so far so much better.  

  • Conversely, what’s been your worst experience?

Luckily we haven’t had any real negative experiences so far. A few slight misunderstandings which we’ve been able to easily talk our way through, but touch wood, it’s been fairly smooth sailing up until now.  

  • What are your favourite sites? They don’t even need to be BDSM/kink related.

(In no particular order) DominantGuide, Loving BDSM, XR University, YouTube, TED, Masterclass. Most are pretty kink related because that’s where our interest skews at the moment.  

  • What advice do you have for newbies to the lifestyle? What do you recommend as the first step into BDSM people take? Why?

The best advice I could give to people starting out is to take the time to read as much as you can about different perspectives, philosophies, approaches and as much as you can about different kinks and fetishes. The more you can understand about the whole spectrum, the easier it will be to find your own place in it. Don’t charge in with a whole lot of ego and expectations. Go slow, talk to people, observe. BE RESPECTFUL! Join FetLife, find a local munch connect on Twitter. Don’t expect to be able figure things out in the first couple of weeks or even months. Be courteous and respectful and remember that it’s all supposed to be fun! We’re doing this because we enjoy it.   Check out the other posts you may have missed:

If you’re interested in participating in this series, or just writing some short content for us, please slide into my Twitter DMs (@IAmMissRuby) or email me at immissruby@gmail.com.  

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

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