An Assortment of (mainly) #BDSM and Kink Questions: submissive/kitten/little Bex (aka His Kitten)

By 2019-08-06Uncategorized

As often as possible, Collared Girls highlights a person or persons within the BDSM/kink community. Each have been kind enough to answer a series of questions describing their lifestyle, offering advice to others, and just having some fun (FYI: The answer to #8 should ALWAYS be “crunchy”). We know each of us have a different vantage point and view of our Dominance and submissiveness. We want to know more. By knowing more, we learn more. And isn’t our lifestyle, in all its variations, about learning and guiding and growing in order to be better people, more open and honest and happier? We are all slightly different in our practices and seeing and reading and hearing what others in our community do often helps inform our own practices. This week, we are happy to post the answers to our questions from BonMinou. Ten or So Questions for submissives:

  • What type of submissive do you describe yourself as (slave, service, etc.)?

My Dom and I use the titles Submissive, Kitten, and Little for me. We use them interchangeably, but they do mean different things from a role/behavior perspective. I am a 24/7 Submissive, so I am always actively in my Submissive role even within mundane day-to-day tasks. I am formally collared (as in full commitment and owned by Daddy). I also occasionally switch, but I don’t use that label because my most natural and comfortable role is that of a Submissive.  

  • How would you describe being a submissive to the layperson?

            Being a Submissive is intentionally and consensually entering into a role of submitting your personal power, choices, body, and heart to an agreed upon Dominant who has earned that right and to whom you trust fully with your vulnerability and safety.  

  • How’d you get started? Tell us about how you discovered your submissive persona?

I fell into D/S unintentionally. I met my current boyfriend/Daddy online, but not as a Dom, just as a potential booty call. I was married at the time, but in an open marriage that was headed for divorce. After talking to Daddy online for a couple of weeks we met up for our first date at his apartment. Well into the date as we were making out he suddenly put restraints on me and a blindfold and then started to give me birthday spankings with a paddle (it was my birthday a couple of days later, but I was celebrating that night). He then moved into using other more intense pain tools and we ended up having a fairly long pain play session and a lot of sex. We pretty much broke all of the “rules” of safe BDSM. I didn’t really know him, we didn’t negotiate first or establish rules and boundaries. Heck, we didn’t even have safe words. He literally just pushed me against the wall and put on wrist cuffs and then ankle cuffs with a leg separating rod. I was so nervous, yet turned on by the unexpected thrill of it all. Thank goodness nothing bad happened! AKA, don’t do this at home kids. Seriously, I don’t advocate what we did. In anycase, that was my first time ever experiencing anything kink related. I had never even had the mental fantasy of anything kink related before, especially pain play. If he had asked me first if I was interested in BDSM I would have answered no and would have believed I was being honest. Once we started playing though, I was shocked to find that I loved it and was very sexually turned on by it all. After that first amazing passion filled experience I continued seeing him and we continued to explore BDSM. He was fairly to new BDSM as well, so once we discovered we both loved it we started to experiment together. It came very naturally to us. We were a D/S couple pretty much immediately. The depth of the roles and the establishment of more formal practices came over time and were something we just naturally moved into it. We started educating ourselves and communicating what kinks and roles we were interested in. I became very active in various online kink communities, especially on NSFW/Kinky Twitter. We also decided to move our D/S outside of the bedroom and became a 24/7 D/S couple. Our next discovery was our DDLG side. He had asked me to call him Daddy during sex, but it wasn’t until researching BDSM that I stumbled upon DDLG. I loved the concept and immediately started practicing Little Space. I tried it alone first and then started incorporating Daddy into the role. He took to the role immediately and I would say that’s the strongest side of our D/S relationship, at least to me I see him mostly as Daddy and I love my Little side the most as well. Next we moved into Wolf/Kitten roles, which to us not only included pet and primal play, but a more serious loyalty and protection commitment to each other (including being formally collared). We now practice Dom/Sub/Daddy/Little/Wolf/Kitten full time in our relationship.  

  • What is your favorite toy? Do you have a set of beloved go-to toys that you enjoy most of all? Would you share with us what they might be?

My favorite sex toy is the Hitachi wand. Daddy gave me my first partner (and full*) orgasm with one and got me to squirt for the first time with one as well. My favorite pain/impact toys are knives and hot things like wax and fire. They’re lite on the pain threshold, but high impact on the mental thrill and turn on, at least for me. *I consider myself pre-orgasmic before Daddy. I was technically orgasming when I masturbated, but they were super small orgasms. Almost like mini or partial orgasms, which is why I say the wand gave me my first full orgasm.  

  • What is the one thing that’s most misunderstood about our lifestyle?

That it’s abuse and for unstable “sick” people. BDSM is actually very healthy and can even be therapeutic. My therapist has me use Little Space and my DDLG role to do specific therapy work for healing traumas from my childhood. My kinky relationship is literally healing my personality disorder. How amazing is that?  

  • Describe your relationship status (single, poly, married and poly, D/s only with no outside involvement, etc.):

Daddy and I are boyfriend and girlfriend. We live together and are 24/7 D/S as already stated. It is just us at this time, but we are currently looking for potential sexual play partners. We aren’t looking for any additions relationship wise though, meaning we’re not poly. We are also keeping our D/S solely for us. I have one Dom and he has one Sub. Those titles, roles, and bonds are for us only.  

  • Totally random: If you could be any other creature (besides human), what would it be and why?

I would be a vampire. What could be more BDSM than an immortal, sexy, blood sucking creature.  

  • Another totally random question: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter, and why?

I like both equally, but I’m bisexual and a switch so that really shouldn’t be a surprise LOL  

  • What’s been you BEST/most rewarding experience in the lifestyle?

Meeting Daddy of course and getting to reach a level of pure raw openness and vulnerability to a level that allowed me to fall in love for the first time. Also discovering more sides to my identity and fully embracing who I am.   

  • Conversely, what’s been your worst experience?

I hate when I don’t feel safe or comfortable with a behavior of Daddy’s and I have to have an honest, but painful talk with him about my needs and boundaries. It’s important to do, but as a Sub I hate seeing my Daddy feel like he’s failed or done something wrong. It’s only happened a couple of times, but each time was not an enjoyable experience.  

  • What are your favorite sites? They don’t even need to be BDSM/kink related.

I love what I call Kinky Twitter (all the amazing Doms and Subs I follow). I also love YouTube and podcasts for kinky connection and education.  

  • What advice do you have for newbies to the lifestyle? What do you recommend as the first step into BDSM people take? Why?

I would encourage newbies to really explore their desires and wants. Do a lot of research into all the different types of kinks and be honest about what you want to try. Ditch the shame and truly embrace any and everything that turns you on, that makes you happy. Get connected into the kink community even if only online. That way you have a support system and can ask questions. And lastly, take your time in finding a partner. Your partner should have to earn your trust. Have firm boundaries and stick to them. You deserve to be treated  respectfully and lovingly.   Check out the other posts you may have missed:

  If you’re interested in participating in this series, or just writing some short content for us, please slide into my Twitter DMs (@IAmMissRuby) or email me at [email protected]    

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

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