An Assortment of (mainly) BDSM and Kink Questions: submissive Lilpandakitten

By 2019-02-28Uncategorized

Each week (hopefully), Collared Girls will be highlighting a person or persons within the BDSM/kink community. Each have been kind enough to answer a series of questions describing their lifestyle, offering advice to others, and just having some fun (FYI: The answer to #8 should ALWAYS be “crunchy”).

We know each of us have a different vantage point and view of our Dominance and submissiveness. We want to know more. By knowing more, we learn more. And isn’t our lifestyle, in all its variations, about learning and guiding and growing in order to be better people, more open and honest and happier? We are all slightly different in our practices and seeing and reading and hearing what others in our community do often helps inform our own practices.

This week, we are happy to post the answers to our questions from…@lilpandakitten :

Lilpandakitten is a playful kitten who belongs to PandaDaddyDom. She has been his for two years now and loves pets, rewards, femme nerdy things, being spoiled by her sometimes indulgent Daddy, and working with him on exciting projects.

  1. What type of submissive do you describe yourself as (slave, service, etc.)?

I am a babygirl and a kitten. I am service oriented without being a slave, and it’s very important to me in the structure of my 24/7 and for my anxiety for me to be good.

  • How would you describe being a submissive to the layperson?

 I get anxious and overwhelmed when I don’t know if I’ve made the right decision —from small decisions to big ones. Because I can trust my Daddy Dom, and I know he has my and our best interests at heart, he can remove a lot of my anxiety  me with decisions. I appreciate it immensely. Being submissive gives me freedom from the constructs and traps my mind creates for me by simply removing those options. It’s very comfortable and relaxing generally. Not always easy, but worth every moment.

  • How’d you get started?  Tell us about how  your submissive persona?

I didn’t have terminology for kink or BDSM until college, and even then I had no idea that it matched with the feelings I had been having. I started engaging in moderate self bondage and having a fascination with restraint when I was 12 or13. I was fascinated with calm, in control villains and people being captured in a way that I hid for years, knowing that it was not effecting other people the same way if they encountered it. I would reread my favorite scenes of books where the protagonist got captured over and over again, and watch specific scenes of movies on repeat. I didn’t truly experience BDSM until around 30,when my ex husband discovered it as a new way to manipulate and control me. Fortunately in leaving that very bad relationship, I discovered PandaDaddyDom, and we slowly discovered that I was a little (or really probably middle) more than slave and he is much more Daddy than Sir or Master. It has been a journey in which he has finally given me the safety to express myself in how I feel in my identity, my sexuality, and how I really want to be loved (and to love in return). It’s ever evolving but at this moment in time that’s who I am!

  • What is your favorite toy? Do you have a set of beloved go-to toys that you enjoy most of all? Would you share with us what they might be?

I really like wand massagers and my We-Vibe Tango, and I love having a variety of floggers and paddles because I am a masochist! It’s hard for me to say one of those is my favorite because they are all so different in sensation, and  them are very intense, which I have a love love hate relationship with. I love our little leather paddle on my feet and the soft silicone one on my ass,and the suede flogger has a beautiful range of possible sensations.

  • What is the one thing that’s most misunderstood about our lifestyle?

Consent. I think that people on the outside don’t understand that it’s all consensual,that it can create a level of emotional vulnerability and negotiation that many people never experience, and in doing so makes for very strong and supportive relationships. Because the lines of the relationship are clearly defined, for me it means that there is never a power struggle or doubt about how things will work. It eliminates a lot of the things I’ve experienced in previous relationships that have caused fights and problems.

  • Describe your relationship status (single, poly, married and poly, D/s only with no outside involvement, etc.):

I am in a low protocol 24/7 relationship with my PandaDaddyDom; we are monoromantic but polysexual as a unit — exploring our interest in Stag/Vixen through a D/s lens.

  • Totally random: If you could be any other creature (besides human), what would it be and why?

 A CAT! Frequently when I am in a very submissive state of mind I feel both little and playful; kitten is not just an endearment for me, it’s also a descriptor. I love to be petted and snuggled and teased. I wish I could purr because sometimes I feel physically incapable of producing the correct sound.

  • Another totally random question: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter, and why?

Smooth always — the crunchy bits are too crunchy and disturb the texture of whatever baked good it’s spread over. Best when mixed with honey!

  • What’s been you BEST/most rewarding experience in the lifestyle?

This is a very hard question — so much has been so rewarding. In the two years we have been 24/7 so far, my life has done a serious 180 for the better: I am happier, more put together, managing my time and taking care of myself much more effectively. I am significantly more confident in general although I still have more work to do. Maybe the best individual thing has been learning to communicate and negotiate. Being able to do that with confidence in our relationship has given me the skills to take it to other areas of my life as well, and truly being seen, kinks and all, by another human, and accepted —that kind of love and validation is breathtaking and precious. 

  1. Conversely, what’s been your worst experience?

In my previous marriage, there was no negotiation, the vaguest idea of maybe consent-ish but an inability to withdraw it, and no aftercare. In one instance I didn’t have a replacement for a safeword and I really, really, really wanted to use it. This is why from the outside people can be confused about BDSM if they don’t understand consent, because the actions can look the same even though the level of trust, love, and safety is completely different.

  1. What are your favorite sites? They don’t even need to be BDSM/kink related.

I am a huge fan of Loving BDSM (lovingbdsm.net) and their podcast, always. I also love reading everything that Cara Thereon writes at http://carathereon.com, and Kate Sloan at http://girlyjuice.net.

  1. What advice do you have for newbies to the lifestyle? What do you recommend as the first step into BDSM people take? Why?

If you are not feeling respected and cared for in your relationship or there are already problems, BDSM is not going to fix it alone. Any good relationship requires open lines of communication and BDSM even more so. If you are falling in to a relationship and you don’t feel like you can talk to your partner, or you feel like they shame you for expressing desires or feelings, those are red flags. For everything else, we’re all learning all the time! Read, find your community, learn from many sources. The more you learn, the more you will understand what you are looking for specifically, and the better you can express those needs to anyone you play with. Don’t forget that it should make you happy; if it’s not, it’s time to think about what needs to change so that it can feed your needs.

 

Check out the other posts you may have missed:

 

If you’re interested in participating in this series, or just writing some short content for us, please slide into my Twitter DMs (@IAmMissRuby) or email me at [email protected]

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

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