Dangerous Attraction: Does BDSM Attract Those with Antisocial Personality Disorders? PART II

In PART I, I covered the basic criteria of Antisocial Personality Disorder. The idea was to give an overview of who and what actual sociopaths and psychopaths and narcissists “look” like according to the foremost authority on mental health: The American Psychological Association’s DSM 5 Sociopath Diagnostic Definitions And Symptoms.

Admittedly, Dominant personalities are strong and sometimes overbearing. That’s what makes us Dominants. We talk about “Twue Dominants” often. While I criticize any person who calls themselves a Dominant then proceeds to claim there is only one true way to be a Dominant, the truth is, we all share similar traits.

 

Traditional Baseline Aspects of Most Dominants

While these don’t apply to every Dominant, a general rule, we are loners in a manner of speaking. We aren’t those who are in Our grandparents or mother’s basement, but We are more removed from daily socialization. We are more loners. We will interact, but we can come off as abrasive, uncaring, even arrogant.

What sets Us apart from those pretending to be Dominants is Our genuine emotional caring for submissives and respect for one another. We express vulnerability, true vulnerability. This goes beyond admitting when We were wrong (that’s called “maturity”). Vulnerability, according to Brene Brown, is “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Brené says that “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity.

This is the hardest part to assess for everyone. How do We know the Dominant IS genuine? Well, let’s see….

 

How We Might ID APD Dominants

To be fair to those who have APD, ALL Dominants naturally possess characteristics of sociopathic/Antisocial Personality Disorder.

The number one sign you’re dealing with a person who has an Antisocial Personality Disorder and pretending to be a Dominant (and in my opinion, the reigning champion by far for signs of a dangerous “Dominant”) is… They will quickly try to sever you from your friends and family. Think of this in terms of what predatory animals like wolves, lions and tigers. They separate the weakest animal from the rest of the herd and go after it. That is what APD Dominants do.

Imagine Twitter, for example, as a giant herd. We post selfies and aspects of Our lives for the world to see. These sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists read these posts and are able to pick up on vulnerabilities. They then work to separate the submissive from the “herd”—their friends on social media, then work on real life relationships.

THAT is the number one indicator you are dealing with an APD person. RUN! Immediately!

A second major indicator that a person claiming to be a Dominant is that they are emotionally unattached. They may present as fully emotionally invested, but the submissive will get a sense that something isn’t quite right. I’ve seen, heard of and interacted with several submissives who said they had this gut feeling, but ignored it, only to suffer later from not trusting their instincts. Regrettably, there are

Another sure way to differentiate between a non-APD Dominant and a Twue Dominant/APD-Dominant is self-centered. It’s about THEM, NOT the sub. While My subs know I Own them, they also know I care for them. I don’t make it all about Me. Their happiness is My happiness; their stumbles are My stumbles. Too many “Dominants” exist that feel it’s all about them, a not-so-uncommon refrain of “You’re embarrassing Me.” This should be closer to: “Think about what you are doing/saying. How do you think that reflects upon Me, on you, and most importantly on U/us?” That type of statement indicates the level of respect We show Our submissives. CAVEAT: This also depends on the dynamic into which you’ve consented to exist. That type of behaviour/attitude may be what you’ve negotiated with your Dominant, so some of these statements don’t apply.

A good piece to read about some of the types of possible sociopaths in the BDSM scene is in this piece that discusses a few of the types of individuals and clues to identifying them.

This is how a submissive explained it to Me a while back: “Control, ownership, needing all attention fixed on them, kink sex addiction, worship, misogynists, adrenaline junkies, lying, manipulating for fun, and then the pathological boredom which leads to e-harems and multiple accounts and instantly moving on because they never felt anything to begin with. The standard NPD’s /ASPD’s are your typical sadist accounts. The covert narcs will play white knights to subs instead thus gaining their trust easier.”

Now, as a sadist myself, I don’t agree with the “typical sadist” account assessment. Not every sadist is an APD Dominant. But what she is right about is needing all attention fixed on them. For example, an APD will attempt to alienate the submissive from their friends, first in social media, then in real life. They will also make the sub feel worthless, as though everything they do is wrong, that the sub isn’t worthy in any way, forcing them to repeat mantras similar to: “I promise to be better.”

 

How W/we Can Protect Themselves

We tend to be Our own worst enemies. We vocalize a great deal, advertising Our existence in some manner. The hints We give those with APD in our social media posts is what attracts them.

Don’t just jump in. Don’t post things that will show you’re vulnerable. Instead, praise your Dominant. Do not talk to Dominants without your current Dominant’s permission.

I also recommend that submissives without Dominants find a Dominant who will screen all so-called Dominants competing for your submission.

What is needed is for submissives to thoroughly vet their Dominant, sit down or chat at great length, and clearly articulate the dynamic. Ask for a phone number, an address, their place of work, where they’ve lived. Ask personal questions. I recommend reading 62 Questions. This book, available on Kindle, is full of questions submissives should use when seeking out the right Dominant for them. The questions can easily be done through email, text or DMs too. And if the Dominant hesitates to answer any of them? You know what that means.

The number one thing we can do to protect Ourselves? Be aware of what information W/we put up on social media. There are sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists prowling in the darkness behind their screens waiting to identify a vulnerable person of whom they can take advantage.

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

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