I ran into my first conundrum in BDSM. A real mindfuck.
After a particularly enjoyable session involving a vac bag, paddles, breath play and other enjoyable acts, over the course of hours (probably near 4-5 hours) We ended the session shortly after I stopped to gaze at a beautiful white-tailed doe that had popped it’s head out from the woods across the street from where we were.
We were fine. We packed up the toys, made sure things were clean and properly stored.
Then We went and sat on the couch. This is when things became … different.
My s-type and I dropped at the same time. Literally.
My D-drop was the polar opposite of the drop my s-type experienced.
I became mellow, contemplative, not sad or depressed, just relaxed to the point of just shrugging and deciding to go to sleep early (we’d been on and off playing for the better part of the afternoon into the evening). I’ll describe my drop this way: Euphoria, like being stoned without the munchies.
My s-type, however, was loving at first, and We did cuddle some, but as my drop became more pronounced, so did hers. And hers turned into more energy and a rapid onset of anger. Anger is something I’ve found to be reported as “normal” for subdrops. But it’s also reported in many D-drops too.
Things were said that normally would have triggered an angry retort by Me, but this night nothing bothered Me. And my rather laissez-faire responses to her angry inquiries didn’t help the situation.
The issue was neither of U/us had had drops like this.
So, what are We to do when Our drops are at the exact same time AND polar opposites? This creates a conundrum.
I feel bad that I wasn’t there for my s-type in the way she needed.
SIMULTANEOUS DROP OR OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS?
As it turns out it wasn’t a simultaneous drop… or so We thought.
After several tweet replies on a beautiful April 18, 2019 day, a Twitter friend, Kenneth, mentioned something that led to an epiphany.
He mentioned how He often gets amped up and stays up all night after a session and that His s-type crashes in a similar way I described. And then an s-type I interact with on a regular basis added that she’s the same way.
And that’s when it hit Me: I wasn’t dropping. I had hit a Domspace level I’d never experienced. And my s-type had already reached a high level of subspace and was crashing.
We’d truly entered the realm of polar opposites. She was crashing, I was soaring. Not exactly the best scenario for a couple who were working on re-establishing their relationship, whatever that would end up being. It had the potential for a disaster.
Had my s-type not had a friend about to board a plane to come visit her, I shudder to think what would have happened. Her friend doesn’t care for flying, but she was about to hop on a plane for a very long flight, so my s-type ended up being on the phone or otherwise in contact with her friend much of the night, enough to give her a different focus than on Me…who was asleep.
We spoke about it the next day some and here and there since. We thought this entire time that it was a double drop. We figured out a way to minimize the potential of this happening again, but not that it’s the opposite, We needed to rethink our solution.
The lesson to learn here is that there are times that can be very unpredictable. I’d reached what I thought was D-space a few times, but nothing like this. I’d also never had a 4-5-hour session switching between equipment and actions, going from restraints to ropes to a vac bag and spanking and breath play. Lots of spanking and breath play. 😊
After a great deal of contemplation, I recommend to all you in BDSM D/s dynamics to have some kind of note around, perhaps two notes, one written by each one of you, explaining how you feel for the other in case you both end up hitting the “drop” or “space” wall at the exact same time. By making sure there’s a written reminder, you give the other person some kind of focus while you’re incapacitated.
I was surprised to learn that there are Dominants who feel one can “snap out of it” and do what needs to be done. Some of these Dominants even discuss their battles with anxiety and depression and how they can’t just snap out of it. Yet they assert We can when it’s a DomDrop. While I have only a minor in psychology, it’s common knowledge that someone can’t simply snap out of a chemical drop like We experience. This having a back-up plan is a good idea; having a note and the items you usually have around for Aftercare as a precautionary measure is…well…a good precautionary measure.
We can’t always predict the way we will end up. I’ve hit high spaces before, but nothing like this. It is possible to go for hours thinking everything is fine for You, as the D-type, that You have taken the breaks, drank plenty of fluid, rested, and even paused to enjoy the majesty of a deer across the street, but We can’t count on the adrenaline and endorphin levels always being consistent. We must prepare for the unexpected.
In Our situation, W/we’d encountered not necessarily subdrop and DomDrop at the exact same time. After considerable reflection, I hit DomSpace and she was in drop. Regardless of the simultaneous movements of our chemical makeup, one thing is for sure: The next time? We write the note.