Language Issues and “Triggers”: “Sissy” Triggers in #BDSM

By 2019-08-14Uncategorized

Language has been My thing for a very long time. I studied it as an academician for many years, even developing a new taxonomy for identifying language features to help teachers assess writing. I’ve written about language and word meaning here before.

As an AMAB (assigned male at birth) transgender/gender nonconforming person, I also struggled with coming out and know the power of words, that words often have unintended consequences and come with “baggage.” Words like queer, faggot, tranny and sissy all hold meaning that’ difficult to overcome.

I understand, too, that we have to reclaim the power of the word; we need to claim the word for ourselves. I discuss this some in Emasculation versus Feminization.

I’ve done that with queer. It’s how I identify. I’m queer. And I mean that in the sense of the original definition, not the definition applied to it for decades to create it as a slur for people within the LGBTQ community.

Faggot, a term I’ve been called a few times despite being Bi, is loaded with historical negative meaning. A faggot is a bundle of sticks, not a homosexual. These seem to have no connection, but faggots were the bundles used as kindling to burn witches and heretics (which included homosexuals). That kindling became a slur for homosexual males.

I also understand that “tranny” has become a fetish. For some reason that doesn’t bother Me as much as it probably should. I’m not sure why.

But the one word that disturbs Me the most is “sissy.” And that’s where this article really begins…

As a gender nonconforming Dominant, it’s a sensitive word. For Me, it’s loaded with all sorts of negativity.

I think this Twitter thread helps put things into perspective:

“As a trans/GNC person, I’m not a fan of the word “sissy” itself (having been called that in a derogatory sense for years, it’s a trigger), but this is, I admit, interesting, & as long as it’s not done to humiliate, but to explore gender, I’m all for AMABs putting on dresses.”

“Sissy” is a ‘trigger’ for Me. I was called a “sissy” as a child & even later in life. So when I see purely sexualized sissification, it irks Me to no end. It’s disrespectful to trans/GNC people. When it’s an exploration of gender with sexual aspects, though, I’m all for it.

“To add: I get it. We all have our kinks, and I respect that. Just for Me, pure sexualized sissification feels like a slap in the face to Me. I lived that humiliation and endured that derogatory name calling.”

“I do LOVE that it’s being reclaimed, but if you want a true sissification, find a trans/GNC Dominant to help you. It’s the right way to do it.”

“I’m PERFECTLY fine with ‘feminization’ and ‘dollification.’ If we simply abolished “sissy”, it would be perfect. Feminization and dollification aren’t explicitly sexualized, nor are they loaded with decades of humiliation.”

To be honest, I’m not a fan of the oversensitivity of today’s world. We’ve become too sensitive to words. Logically, I know this. As a rape victim, I’ve claimed the word “rape.” I don’t use any other word or term; I call it what it is, even if someone says it’s their trigger. It’s rape. Plain and simple. We should call it what it is.

But when you’re called a sissy as a child, the word meaning becomes ingrained in your psyche. And this is where the problem lies.

How does this distaste for the word “sissy” play into My Dominant role? It doesn’t. I don’t do sissification. This is because I don’t like the sexualization of it. It means I was sexualized for being Myself as a child. That’s gross. AND it means that My rape was a direct result of My apparent natural propensity toward “female” things. It means My rapist saw Me as a weak sissy, even as a 12-year-old “boy”.

It’s this issue that the BDSM community doesn’t seem to understand or care about. While I don’t judge peoples’ kinks, I do think we need to be more aware of our terms. I’ve discussed this in WORDS. Many in Our community use words in a way that confuses meaning. This is a typical human failing; many misuse “myself” and it drives Me wild when someone does that.

I’ve been approached by a number of cismale submissives asking Me to make them a sissy. I tried with one. It didn’t work. They wanted something I simply couldn’t give them, so all other requests have been a “No. I don’t do that.” That said, I WILL feminize, and I’m intrigued by dollification.

These subs assumed I am a living, breathing Dominant sissy. That’s offensive in and of itself. For Me, as an AMAB gender nonconforming person, I see feminization as not sexual. I see it as an exploration of gender. It’s not something to do in order to be fucked. My feminized subs would become “women” in the sense that they’d have to live that time as a woman as best they can within the limits of Our dynamic. It’s a matter of control over their deeper self, not their sexual fantasies.

Dollification intrigues Me because, despite the heavy sexual focus, it makes the cismale disappear completely. They enter a world that is complete fantasy. They become a toy, not necessarily a sex toy either. Essentially, they become a living, breathing sex doll.

I’m also a fan and practitioner of encasement. I find power is erasing the identity of others, removing them from themselves while simultaneously trapping them in their own minds in some manner. Dollification is, essentially, a removal of self. The submissive is encased in a completely new identity, or lack thereof.

While it can be argued that sissification does the same thing, it’s not true. With sissification, they can interact, just as someone who is feminized can. Dollification, therefore, is very different: The person becomes a pure object with no individualism. They don’t play a role in a scene; they only exist as a toy. The sissy is merely playing a very specific role for the Dominant.

And for Me, I’ve never played a role beyond pretending to be a white, cis-hetero male. As I indicate in My Emasculation versus Feminization series, I performed that role of “masculinization,” something We don’t see in BDSM really. But perhaps, if we are to continue with sissifying cismales, then we should at least start “masculinizing” our female subs. It’s only fair.

Miss Ruby

Miss Ruby

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